INFP and anger

          In my world there are questions of identity. A life driven to find the unidentifiable. For how can find something that is constantly changing? How could I possibly seek to understand what is constantly being created? It’s like yelling out words before the first letter is turned. Random maybe’s tempt my excitement until I notice, that wasn’t it either. I’m an INFP, a dreamer. I search, wonder, imagine. Understanding emotions seems so positive,until it’s an emotion im not used to. Fear, I get. Love, I kind of get. Sadness, anxiety, happiness, and excitement are all friends. Anger though… I’ve not come to terms with him. He sneaks up through bitterness and resentment. He clinches my fist and caresses my shoulders. He whispers nightmares in my soul, as all of my person becomes an uncontrollable scream. He thrives on my outbursts, it is those moments his fire breathes. This is one I struggle with. He changes his clothes as a disguised investor, seeking to know the deep. I’ll see you again cold one. Maybe by then I’ll have a better definition of the undefinable. Maybe he will help me find the unidentifiable. 

Inside my worlds

They told me to write what I saw, when I closed my eyes and looked at me:

 

 

Nothingness, space, empty, except this light.

Blinding.

Too bright to look into, yet a symphony, its impossible to not glance in its direction.

Beautiful and strong, intimidating.

And there she was, holding this light… Staring at the light.

Engulfed by shadows cast from her hands,

The outline of her innocence.

Its too dark behind to see,

Nothingness to the left, and to the right.

Im afraid for her.

The warmth from the light;

Sunburn on my cheeks.

What is she doing?

It’s too bright to look into.

I couldn’t resist as she seemed so at rest,

Embracing the burn, accepting the warmth.

She disappeared behind the lambent.

I could feel her presence no more.

I escaped from the darkness by blinded eyes.

Engulfed by the warmth, the peace, the light.

I had no choice but to see.

My lids fell heavy and the force of gravity weighed,

Weightless, and heavy.

One blink changes it all.

I feel my body, every bit of it.

Pulsating blood through fingertips, my knees, my toes,

Burning from full lungs,

My heart and breathe syncing up in the most harmonies rhythm.

Fine hairs in my ears vibrate with the symbols clacking on each out breathe.

High pitches, low pitches, music, and peacefulness.

The light has invited me in, to see.

Within the light,

Dark universes shrink to become planets,

Planets happening for moments through the atmosphere,

We arrive at the place the light has for me.

Earth.

Brush strokes of white clouds over deep blue oceans,

Blue oceans light to mirror up to the horizon.

Green blending from here and there molting into the dense brown of the earth.

Souls disguised as owls, hoo into the night.

Eyes fixed on the softness, each feather exploding with gentleness,

Fixed on the heart around its looking glass, I can feel her kindness.

I am fixed on peace.

Peace, in a dark universe.
Light in the midst of emptiness.

Sight in the midst of blindness.

Wisdom in the form of innocence,

Beauty in the form of fear,

And kindness in the eyes of a murderer.